How to follow instructions

I sent out an email this afternoon.

It said:

We have had a disappointing number of responses regarding the post-new year, belated, Christmas celebration on Friday 24 January.

Please email MY COLLEAGUE by Monday 13 January to let her know whether or not you intend to attend.

Three replies and counting.

What I do in simple words

(Using Up-Goer Five)

I work in a place where students from all over the world can learn all about the world. I look after about 70 people (many are teachers) who study how businesses work and how they could work better and then they tell students and write papers all about what they have learnt.

I have to look after the money. I try to work out (guess) how much money the group will spend over a year and the I try to make sure we don't spend more than that. We often spend more in one area but less in another so it evens out.

I also have to watch how much work everyone does. I check how much time people are in class, how much time they should spend studying the outside world, how much they should be helping out at work, and see if they are doing too much or not enough. Most do too much.

People come and talk to me about problems they have at work and I try to help fix them. Some people come and shout at me because I tell them I can't fix a problem because they shouldn't have done the thing that caused the problem in the first place.

I help people with their computers, writing, ways to talk to students, other teachers and business people so they can learn about managing in business. I manage the paper side of getting people to work for us all the time or just now and again.

I don't kill anyone. Sometimes I would like to but I can't find a place to hide the bodies.

IT support

My office is directly opposite the post/printing room, which means I am the first port of call for anyone with problems there. I have many conversations like this one.

Lecturer: The photocopier's not working.
Me: Have you checked for a jam? Or reported it?
Lecturer: Can't you do that?
Me: Well, there's a phone right by the copier, with the phone number printed next to it, so that people can report it themselves.
Lecturer: I've got to go to a lecture. [Departs]
Me: *sigh*

The blackmail factor

Prof: I have to read the names at graduation next week, can I book a half-hour slot with you to go through the pronunciations?
Me: Yes, of course.

(That really isn't in the job description, but I studied linguistics and it's an enjoyable task.)

Prof: I told the head of school today how useful you are, above and beyond the call of admin duty. He said he remembers you. You've seen him fall asleep on the train.
Me: I wonder whether I can get a regrade on the back of that?

Please check your work

Prof: This meeting this afternoon, I need these papers for it - can you photocopy them for me?
Me: Sure. How many?
Prof: Oh, say, 10 copies?
Me: Fine, I'll do it now.

I set the copying going and start another job.

10 mins pass.

Prof: That copying...
Me: Yes, I've done it.
Prof: Oh. I think I included an incorrect page.
Me: Oh. Well, there it is.

Moral: before asking someone else to do your copying, check you're giving them the right papers. I hardly have enough time to do my work properly, let alone to do your work twice.

Room bookings

08:15 Knock-knock at the door.

Prof: Hey, I'm doing a PhD viva this morning, and I just wondered, who's supposed to book a room for that? Is it the internal examiner?

Me: Ideally the PGR office.

Prof: Because we'll need a room at 11am. I suppose we could use an office but...

Me: Ring PGR, and get back to me if you need help.

Because in the middle of a busy teaching day I am sure to be able to conjure up a suitable room with an hour's notice.